The Lao telephone is akin a magic black box. You have not talked to someone for years or the person might be a relative of a relative or a friend of a friend from the village. You call and things happen. They move the furniture, their holidays, they make the space in their heart and in their living room for you. Most times, they treat you as their own child, they take care, they cook your favorite food, they worry when you come home late.
It was some 40 years ago, aw1 Bounthanh Thirakul and his family did just that for us. They did not hesitate to welcome my sister and I in their home as we started college in the provincial city of Dijon, Burgundy. We needed a place to stay, our parents were worried to let the two girls of the family go away for college, so many bad things could happen. They gave a few calls here and there.
In Dijon was living maethao2 Singkham Sinbandith who married phothao3 Vatsy, my grandfather Sibou’s first cousin. Yes, this needs some drawing. They are very close to us from the family tree perspective, but their apartment in a social housing compound was already crowded with nine children and refugees’ household stuff. We were just 10 years into exile in France and most Lao families were still trying to make a living and setting foot in a new country.
They mentioned that across the road, there was another Lao family, some phinong, who might be able to host us. ພີ່ນ້ອງ pʰīː nɔ̑ːŋ refers to the network of family members, relatives, alliances and people who adopt each other in the context of a village or community. It is a composed word joining ພີ່ pʰīː meaning older brother or sister and ນ້ອງ nɔ̑ːŋ meaning younger brother or sister. Sealang Lao-English dictionary offers the definition as: siblings (people of lineage), relatives, friends4.
The phinong where aw Bounthanh Thirakul, his spouse ae5 Thoumma and their three young daughters: Louli, then 13, Nathalie, 7 years old, and Lassamy who was just three. Aw Bounthanh married into the Sisombat family as the son-in-law of my great uncle phothao Signy Sisombat. Phothao Signy was the younger brother of my grandfather Sibou. By the time he welcomed us, aw Bounthanh had already started his new family with ae Thoumma for more than a decade. They too lived in a modest apartment in a subsidized housing in Quetigny with low rise buildings, supermarkets, industrial zones, mustard fields, and the road to great wines.
I asked my mom how close we were to aw Bounthanh and how she and my father have asked him to host us. Hmm. They might have met once or twice years ago, and they called him. It is a strange thing for other cultures, but for Lao people, it seems to be a natural thing to do. We are phinong, so we can reach out.
Aw Bounthanh was born in 1938 in one of the ‘4000 islands´ of South Laos into a farmers’ family. He was sent faraway at the age of 8 to the pagoda school in Muong Khong, the only way to get an education in those days. Brilliant, he was chosen by the French administration to continue his studies in medicine in Phnom Penh6. Back in Vientiane, he served as a doctor in the military and fled when the country was overtaken by the communists. He would have been among the first to be imprisoned had he stayed. He continued to care for others in the refugee camp in Nongkhai, Thailand. He arrived as a refugee in France in 1977 and started a new life in Dijon as a nurse. He established the association of Lao refugees and has been serving the community as mo phone the officiant for Lao traditional ceremonies.
My mother explained “with some people, “cela va de soi’ it goes without saying. She continued: “it was easy to talk to him. Maybe because he has always been a community leader, so he is of the kind-hearted people”. I asked ae Thoumma how she felt with the request. She laughed “we had also Linda, who came later to live with us, and she stayed longer than you, for two years. You are family members, what else to do than welcome you all?”
For six months, we lived with them a tranquil life. They never quarreled, ae Thoumma prepared Lao meals, took care of the girls and kept the house in order. Aw Bounthanh had long days at the hospital. They were always busy with the Lao communities on weekends or in their spare time. I remember people coming in and out the house to ask for guidance, I remember his authoritative voice but also his laughs and his generosity, I remember we felt home and taken care of. During our three years of study, we knew we could count on them. When we move out to be closer to school, ae Thoumma would call us to pass by on week ends for a Lao meal or if we needed anything. Aw Bounthanh continued to be busy with his role as community leader, as the guardian of Lao rituals.
We left Dijon 35 years ago. On April 3, 2024 aw Bounthanh passed away at the age of 85 years. Of the two unions, he had eight children, fourteen grandchildren and six great grandchildren. I called ae Thoumma to offer my condolences for the passing of aw Bounthanh. It was like yesterday. She was warm, tearful, asking about my whereabouts, how many kids, where do I live, what do I do for a living. I talked to Nathalie, who is now in her forties, as if it was yesterday. She was my little sister.
We spoke, and we spoke. Too many years have passed. Then she offered me to visit her in San Francisco, to send my children. “They could stay as long as they wish”, she said. That was the offer her parents did to mine, some 40 years ago. Being a phinong transcends generations. It is just a call away, what are you waiting for?
Terms of address in Lao society. ອາວ aːo - uncle who is younger than your father
ແມ່ເຖົ້າ mɛ̄ː tʰȁo Grandmother, older woman
ພໍ່ເຖົ້າ pʰɔ̄ː tʰȁo grandfather, older man
http://sealang.net/lao/dictionary.htm
ອາ /aː/ Aunt younger than mom
Before the French arrived in Indochina, education in Laos or Cambodia was limited to boys and was carried out by Buddhist monks in wats, or temple. Although the French arrived in Laos in 1893, it is only in 1902 that a generalized education in Indochina was set up. The first high school was lycée Chasseloup Laubat in Saigon (South Vietnam) in 1870 followed by Lycée Sisowath in Phnom Penh in 1936 and the Lycee Auguste Pavie in Laos in 1951. To further their studies, Lao students were either sent to Saigon or Phnom Penh.
More information: https://holylandindochinecoloniale.com/enseignement-indochine-francaise/